Dumb History of Farming

Around 10,000 BC, ice age disappeared as ice began aging. Animals finally came out of their hibernation and became travel nomads. However, one animal called human decided to finally settle down in life. He gave up his nomadic lifestyle to become a farmer.

However, before farming was invented, people were “woke people”. They ate only organic: non-GMO and no additives added. They had a delightful selection of leaves and artisanal roots for appetizers, served au naturel. They had unseasoned meat with no hint of salt for the main course. Their dishes were served with a side of skepticism of whether they are edible or not. They sipped fresh, unpasteurized water locally sourced from the nearby stream.

And then came farming. It wasn’t invented by any one person. It turns out farming was invented many times, in many places and was rarely an instant success. 

Just like every company is into AI these days, every civilization was into farming at that time. Middle east, South Asia, East Asia everywhere. Life was inevitable back then. Just like almost all engineers become software engineers these days, all children became farmers. 

“Rain Dance Farmer”

Here is a Job listing that I found on a leaf when I traveled to 10,000 BC:

We are looking for an early career hard-working individual with a sun-burnt nose and 5+ years of experience and passion for praying the rain gods.

Requirements:

• 5+ years of experience in hope that it will rain today. Or tomorrow. Rain dances and animal sacrifices may be required 
• Proficient in advanced Stone Age technology like pointed sticks and pointless weapons.
• Ability to think outside the cave and adapt to changing environmental conditions.
• Skilled at yelling at bees and shooing animals away; Experience in making people out of straws that can scare crows and children away is be a plus.

Perks and Compensation:

• Competitive compensation package including a generous supply of nuts, berries, and the occasional roasted rodent.
• Access to state-of-the-art mud huts with complimentary cave paintings.
• Opportunities for career advancement include becoming a village elder who can dispense wisdom about how you fought a tiger once when you were twelve.

“Farmazon”

It was getting very difficult to pick one fruit here and one leaf there. “What if we have an app where we can get all berries from one place and all vegetables in one place?” One man thought. Humans taught these wild plants how to be cultured and put them in their place- agriculture was invented.

Not long after, farmers received an over-the-air software update which enabled farmers to grow not just plants but also animals. This allowed animals to lie around the house and do nothing like houseplants.

People went all around the world cutting down different kind of trees to grow one kind of plants in one place. People think Farming is just growing crops. But it was much more than that. It was growing plants by cutting trees. It is like gardening but by growing edible plants.

And then, as hustle culture was invented, people read James Clear’s Atomic Habits and became seriously productive. They began producing more food than they could eat. So they started selling the excess to their neighbors.

It may be difficult for one to believe now but, in those days, farmers were considered wealthy, and sometimes, cool because they had lot of land. Things were different back then. You did not need to have a Whole Foods around the block for the land to become valuable. People loved land for what it is, both inside and outside. It was true love. 

In the middle ages, humans invented a new app called “Feudalism”. In was like amazon, but for farmers. For an annual subscription fee, farmers could sell their produce from the comfort of their homes and receive complimentary lifetime access to exploitation. But we all know how apps work, initially it will be free delivery, but soon as everyone starts using it, there will be all sorts of charges and the delivery fee would be greater than cost of food. That’s what happened with feudalism as well. Farmers started paying more and more and  fell into poverty when they defaulted their payments. 

Enter the Industrial Revolution age and farming gets a hardware update. In Farming 3.0.2, tractors replaced oxen and pesticides replaced scarecrows. Farmers went from tending fields to playing a real-life SimCity with crops.

We obviously are really bad at this game. First, we made more food than we needed. Then, we made lot of people eat it. The farmers now are poor, and the consumers, poorer in health.

Today, there are no rest days if you are a farmer. Yet their bank accounts are drier than their fields. The only thing that grows without fail is the interest on their loans. 

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