Dumb History of Mona Lisa

Lisa del Giocondo is the third wife of a French merchant, Francesco del Giocondo. When he commissioned Leonardo Da Vinci, he had no idea that the painting would end up in a museum, that too in France. While I do not know Giocondo in person, I can still tell that he would not have commissioned the painting if he had an inkling that it would go so viral. It's good that he didn’t; otherwise, this article wouldn’t have existed. In case you are wondering, Lisa del Giocondo is Mona Lisa.

It remains a speculation why Leonardo never delivered the painting to Giocondo. Some speculators, such as this writer, speculate because they simply can. However, other speculators speculate that it could not be delivered because Leonardo took so long to finish the painting. One thing is for sure: Giocondo would have wished he had an iPhone. It creates neat portraits and is certainly more reliable than Leonardo. Leonardo began painting the painting in 1503 in Florence, Italy, and by the time he completed it in 1517, he was in France. It took so long because Leonardo employed a creative painting technique where he would sometimes stare at the painting for hours, focusing on just one brushstroke, and then leave it untouched for a long time. 

The portrayal of Mona Lisa’s smile often gripped galleries in great debate. However, this speculation began only after the Renaissance because that is when thinking was invented. Before 19th Century, nobody wondered what Mona Lisa was hiding behind her smile. They just thought she was happy. 

Until 1911, hardly anyone outside the French intelligentsia knew about the Mona Lisa. The painting was hung in the Fontainebleau bathroom, Napoleon's bedroom, and finally, in one of the thousands of rooms at the Louvre Museum.

Second Greatest Painter

This is not to diminish the talents of Leonardo. Da Vinci excelled as a painter, sculptor, scientist, architect, and writer. However, it must be noted that he is nowhere near as good an actor as the other Leonardo, DiCaprio. He is a disappointment to both me and his father.

Today, Da Vinci is the second best painter of all time. The first, obviously, is Midjourney, the freshest face in the art scene. While Da Vinci had mad skills with the paintbrush, Midjourney paints without even using one – he's pure magic. He would have rendered, I mean painted, Mona Lisa in two seconds. Also, Midjourney's social media game is fire. While Da Vinci was chilling in the history books and museums, Midjourney's hashtag-worthy art and avant-garde swag are trending all over Instagram. Leonardo doesn't even have an Instagram account. What a shame!

The Italian Job

In August 1911, on an unsuspecting Monday morning, Vincenzo Peruggia, dressed to impress as a museum employee, stole the famous Mona Lisa painting in broad daylight. Make no mistake; this is no Italian job, even though the thief and the painting are both Italian. The manner of the Mona Lisa's disappearance is just as intriguing as her smile. The famous Mona Lisa painting became world famous. Mona Lisa is no longer mistaken for baking powder or detergent. The lady finally gets her due.

The Mona Lisa, hanging on four hooks like a $29 IKEA print, was more accessible than the condiments at a hot dog stand. The Louvre staff would waste no time to tell you “no photography” and “no running in hallways”, but they took staggering 26 hours to realize that the Mona Lisa had been stolen. And when a French artist dared to point out the empty spot in the hallway, the guard’s response was as casual as a croissant on a Parisian café terrace:  "Someone must have moved it somewhere else for some photographs." 

But wait, it gets better – or worse, depending on your faith in museum security. When Peruggia was struggling with opening the museum back door, he found an unexpected ally in a plumber with a penchant for lending a hand – or in this case, a pair of pliers. The guard at the entrance did not even notice him making the grand exit. Apparently, he had to go fetch a bucket of water to clean up a spill or something. Trust me, I am not making any of this up!

As the thief casually strolled away with the Mona Lisa wrapped in a blanket, a bystander caught sight of Peruggia emerging from the Louvre with a suspicious bulge in his jacket. But, hold your horses, folks! The onlooker’s attention got snagged by something shiny that Peruggia chucked into the gutter. Rushing over, the eager witness discovered it was nothing but a doorknob. Talk about a plot twist!

In the end, Peruggia discovered that stealing the Mona Lisa was as easy as frying an egg.

The French police stuck their muzzles in every corner of Paris for two years in search of the painting only to imprison the thief for seven months upon his capture. They even arrested Pablo Picasso and investigated JP Morgan from JP Morgan because they simply could. No, not for financial embezzlement. They suspected that one of these two celebrities could have stolen the Mona Lisa.

Mona Lisa’s enigmatic smile finally returned to the Louvre when Peruggia was caught attempting to sell the painting to an art dealer in Italy. He confessed that he stole it because he wanted to return it to his rightful homeland. However, no one showed much interest in his reasoning because, at that time, everyone was focused on the impending end of the world in World War I.

Mona Lisa is remarkably resilient. She looks directly into our eyes, as a man typically would. How dare she? She survived two world wars and a tea cup thrown at her in Louvre by an angry young woman. Centuries has passed, but she’s still managed to hold in her laughter. What’s so funny?

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